alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
