im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
