is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
