It's Friday. Sex?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
