I want to walk on stilts...naked
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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