Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
