Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
