there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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