You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
