I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
