i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
my poor anus
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
