I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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