we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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