oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
