rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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