I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
