My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I have aggressive nipples.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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