regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
