im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
