Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
