I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
