On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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