my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
