I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
