gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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