what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
