Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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