I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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