He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The Olympian is in my bed
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
