Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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