if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My balls are so social today.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
