Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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