i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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