I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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