why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
