I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
There was a lot of him and a little penis
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
