So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
