did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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