bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Randomize
