I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
