there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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