Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
