Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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