how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
