no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
