with your own penis?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
