I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
