They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
