i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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