Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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